And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
