after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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