It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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