he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Found the puke drawer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
