honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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