Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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