U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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