forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
