I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
