You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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