If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
