I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
