Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
