I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
