lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
