I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
