I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
