I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
