Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
People in love make me want to vomit
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
