I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
