oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
