You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
