YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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