My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now Iām laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
