He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
