His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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