I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
