My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
