she was so not down for the gang bang
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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