she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
