i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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