I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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