I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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