I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I would ride that face into the sunset
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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