So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
