i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
