Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
