If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
