He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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