I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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