I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
