Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
