dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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