My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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