It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
