I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
