he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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