The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
