I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
