I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
