She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
