You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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