my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
