if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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