Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I met the friendliest cop last night
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
