That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
