Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
