No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
