You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
