I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
