So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
