If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize