So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
