can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
