I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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