its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
