Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
