btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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