Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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