i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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