Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
