Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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