It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
