i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
