Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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