i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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