I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
