saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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