my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
only if we run a train.
done.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
