Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
