i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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