Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
