so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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